Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Loss Follow Up

Hi, Jennifer,

I'm not sure if you'll remember me or if you're still the genetic counselor there. I terminated a pregnancy due to Trisomy 18 in September of 2011. I had follow up genetic testing with a subsequent pregnancy, William, born in July of 2012. He was conceived 6 weeks after our loss, and now that he's almost 3, I'm just taking some time to grieve.

This might be weird but I'm sure you get a lot of weird questions… You answered so many of my questions then, and I'm realizing there were some that I didn't ask.

I think a lot about my abortion. Unfortunately. I wouldn't have made a different decision, but the experience itself.  I was just beyond 14 weeks by the time I terminated. I had a D&E at BWH. I wished then,  as I do now, that my experience could have been different.

I read that termination via induced L&D is sometimes offered after 14 weeks. So I also realize that would be way more expensive but curious if it is actually ever offered as an option?

You had referred me to an online support group. I have recently reconnected there and am thankful for that group. Many of the women have foot prints. Or were able to scatter ashes. You know what I mean. But, do you know what they do with the babies, at Brigham and Women's? The doctor definitely didn't know why I was there. The big pregnant intake person hadn't understood either. What do they do with the contents of the red plastic box?

I understand that her body wasn't a body that she could have lived in. I know it would have been difficult, but could I have been awake? Could I have placed my hand on her skin?

Thank you, Jennifer. I know this is a tough email and I'm sorry for dumping it on you, but I have to answer some of these questions and come to peace with their answers. I have to do this so that I can have this life with my wonderful little boys. I can no longer spend whole days with this grief.

Thank you again, and best wishes.

Jacqui Morton